is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She is in my trunk
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
