i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
