wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
