i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
