Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Holy sore nipples Batman
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
