Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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