i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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