I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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