Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize