I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
