so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
