May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
