I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
