well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
