8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
