how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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