i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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