i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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