Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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