I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
