ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
