He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize