i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize