i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
