anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
