Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
