Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
