this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
