I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
