I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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