the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
