Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
