sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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