This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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