As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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