If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
