Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
