need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
