I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
