dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
