please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If that was your dad, he is hot
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize