you would pick up someone in the library
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
