Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
