She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
