so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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