The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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