no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
