Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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