His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
