Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We left the knife in your bed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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