Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
