He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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