My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
