yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
