Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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