Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
