I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
