4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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