I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
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