what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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