Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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