i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
