I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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