At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Who did Billy Mays play for?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
