If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
