I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
