arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
