Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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