What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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