Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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