Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
