Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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