So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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