just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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