Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
