Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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