I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this boner is exhausting
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
