2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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