Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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