even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
