Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize