you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
