Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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