and she was petting her beer can
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
