rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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