my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
