dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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